If Monday's Like THIS, Can't Imagine Tuesday

Okay, so we both wake up around 10:30 this morning. Bucky's looking at me; I roll over and now I am looking at him. His first words are: I feel terrible.....I don't want to get up. He does anyway, goes to the bathroom, and I suggest he just get back in bed. He asks me to hold him. He feels useless, frightened, helpless. And today is only Monday.....we have Tuesday through Thursday to go through yet, and then the long ride to NYC. He slowly falls back to sleep, for another blessed hour; I rise and go about sorting laundry and putzing around, keeping myself busy, trying not to think about. But I still do. At 12:30 he calls for me -- he doesn't want to be alone right now, and neither do I, particularly. We need each other for moral support. He dresses and joins me on the first floor.

I convinced Bucky at 1 p.m. to go to Borders to stock up on reading supplies for the week and weekend. Then a nice lunch at Cheeseburger in Paradise. Without even thinking about it, the conversation turns to Friday and what to expect, revisiting the size of the aneurysm and the stability of Kim's carotid artery, assuring each other everything will be okay, even though we haven't a clue exactly what will happen. At one point I bury my head in my hands. I feel his hand brushing through my hair, assuring me everything will be okay. But his face doesn't look reassuring.

We got home around around 3:30; I went down to my studio to work on a project, needed something from Jo-Ann's, and told him I'd be back in a while. I get home around 5:30 -- he sits in the family room, reading a book. I sit on the couch and then he says, "I need to go upstairs and rest my eyes for a while." Our daylight hours seems to be shrinking day by day. Again, that feeling of uselessness overtakes us, and the best way to get past it is to sleep and escape the current maelstrom we are going through. I can only imagine how Kim is dealing with this....I dare not keep bothering her to see how she is.....she is as she was yesterday and the day before and the day before that....scared, tired, and aware that her condition is beyond hers or our control at this point. This isn't something we can put a band-aid on, give a little kiss to, and it will be gone in a day or two.